The last few months have been one of life's most ambivalent times. You know the ones, where good things are happening and you think you should be feeling guilty being happy when others or even ourselves are hurting over the pain and loss that life brings us. Navigating grief while planning a wedding has been on our minds a lot. We know that Mr. Moon's father's absence in our wedding celebrations will be notable, and trying to find ways to grieve and honor him in such a joyous occasion hasn't been easy. It's not even a situation to which we've found a solution that feel right, yet.
But this entire endeavor I think has been good for me. Despite my lack of mental health care at the moment (which is a long story and a rant for another day), I've found myself navigating a lot of intense emotions and stressful situations with more grace and self-love than I really expected to experience. Mr. Moon and I have our spats for sure, but those even haven't been as intense as we've expected. Ultimately we've been good about remembering that we are on the same team, even if it doesn't always feel like it. I certainly feel that our relationship is making great strides with this entire process, as we focus on a common goal and utilize each other's strengths to come together to make it happen, as a team.
I'm not looking forward to the lull after the wedding, though. I know that there are some serious issues within myself that I've been setting aside to deal with at a better time. It's a habit I learned in childhood and one with which I know I will always struggle because to be honest it's not always a bad thing. Learning to cope in better ways is the top of my list of things to work on when I have the mental capacity to focus on it. But it's been nice to see how far I've already come in the same area. I'm finding I'm much more prepared to settle my own panic attacks, coping with more situations as they arise rather than bottling things up until I explode, and most importantly I've been getting better with my self-care in general to keep my stress levels in check. All those months and years of learning these new skills, and now that they're put to the test I'm passing with flying colors. It's glorious.
There's still much to do and I'd better be getting back to it. But I really can't wait to share some of our engagement photos when they come in!