Saturday, November 17, 2012

Sometimes the best progress for which you can hope is simply not moving backward

They say life is all about the little things. The small decisions we make every day that suddenly become a lifestyle. The little looks, kisses, the seemingly meaningless conversations that add up to a relationship. The choices and actions we make every day that define who we are.

But then they say "don't sweat the small stuff." They say that your kids will remember you spending time with them, not how messy the house looked. That your partner remembers the big gestures more than the small ones. That where you live, how you live, what you wear doesn't define who you are.

These theories are not simply incompatible, they're directly contradictory. Sometimes I get stuck thinking I can strike a balance in the middle. That I can somehow maximize the daily small stuff and balance that with the grand life gestures. Then I think I should choose one or the other as a philosophy and stick to it. It's like trying to balance the lessons from the past, hopes for the future, and appreciating the present moment for whatever it is. I just feel like I'm failing on all counts.

We aren't making as much progress on our larger, more visible goals as we had hoped to when we moved in. The fact that it's not because of too many hours spent working for a paycheck is largely ironic. Some of it is just that the daily chores are so time-consuming. Some of it is a lack of focus. Some of it is Mr. Moon still recovering from his car accident in June; you wouldn't think that getting bounced around in a car with no skeletal injuries would take its toll for so long. Much of it is my inability to help as much as I'd like; I still have an image in my head of the girl I was in high school sleeping 2 hours a night and the typical type-A personality. Well the personality is still in there, but the body isn't up to the tasks I want to set for it. Accepting this situation has been difficult, both in how it affects the big picture and the daily routines.

Right now, we just aren't making any progress on things around the house in any way that's possible to share. But we are making progress in improving our daily life! The kitchen looks amazing pretty much all the time, the carpets get vacuumed regularly which is really helping my asthma, and we've even started having friends over regularly! Lots of meals are getting cooked from scratch and we're drastically reducing our trash-waste and even compost-waste. I have been working on projects with kombucha and mozzarella cheese, even some recipes that I think are fun, but I keep forgetting to take pictures so I can share them. There are only so many hand-written white-board menu plans a girl can share before even *I* think this blog is boring!

I will say that I am looking forward to the next few weeks. Thanksgiving is coming with a bit of a non-traditional meal, since we are having Prime Rib instead of turkey. Mr. Moon is going to focus as much as he can on doing yard work for the next few weeks, and then power through re-arranging the garage into a livable space while I'm gone on vacation over Christmas. Then hopefully in the new year we can focus on making our bedroom a little more live-able rather than lived-in. In the meantime I am working on finding peace and grace within myself to accept the progress we're making rather than dwelling on the progress we haven't. Sometimes it's like playing tug of war with myself!

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