Halloween in my favorite holiday. I love the decorations, I love dressing up in costume, I love the fall air and the parties and the traditions. Growing up, my family had a tradition of making a crockpot of chili and hot dogs on Halloween night. I remember spending the month ahead of Halloween hanging out in the living room for frequent fittings while my mom sewed my costumes and watched Tigers baseball or the World Series. I remember the year my mom made my costume in August and then discovered two days before Halloween that I'd had a growth spurt and she had to let it out (oddly I don't remember what the costume was!).
For some reason I'm just not feeling it this year. I don't know why. Part of it could just be the crappy situation we're in. Some of it I'm sure is probably this underlying depression and the funk I've been in. A lot I know is frustration with my body and not being able to wear the costumes I want to wear, or have the energy to do a lot of the things I want to do, like make vampire cupcakes or hand-make some decorations. And some of it may just be that I don't feel able to decorate the house the way I want to because it's not mine, we're not having a party here, and we barely have any decorations.
Combined with the weather lately and the fact that it only feels like fall started yesterday, I guess it's not really surprising I'm not feeling it. I just wish I knew what to do about it. It just seems a shame that the last four years or so I've really not been feeling Halloween, and it feels like my favorite day of the year has been wasted and squandered. I want to enjoy myself. But I just... can't. And I'm sad about that.